I'm so ridiculously proud of myself tonight. I brought up a subject that I've been struggling with a lot lately in therapy today. It was so hard to bring up, and I stumbled and stuttered and muttered around, but I brought it up.
It's a pretty big deal for me. It seems silly, and one should be able to talk about anything in therapy, but that's not me. And therapy started, and we made small talk and talked about the holidays, and I thought I could carry on and not bring up the topic I was avoiding.
Then, I just told her I had something to talk about that was really difficult for me. She was patient, kind and just let me ramble, for what seemed like forever. (I have to give her credit - someone pussy footing around like I was would drive me insane. Totally not a profession I could ever do!)
And finally, I spit it out. It's not even someone I would post on here, but I guess I feel better about it. At the very least, I talked with someone who wasn't judgemental about it, and just listened to me. She wasn't (at least that I could tell) horrified or appalled by it. She just listened, and offered a perspective I hadn't thought of.
I guess, it's still there and still something that worries me. But it's not a burden that I am carrying all by myself. I'm going to be ok.