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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end."

I didn't think I could ever be this happy.  It's kind of crazy, and I often question if its real.  It definitely makes MS pretty much nonexistent.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I miss this joint!

I've been neglecting posting lately.

First, because I got a new computer.  I haven't moved the bookmarks from my old one.   But, I missed my blogging and so I've found it and come back.

Second, this whole girlfriend thing.  She's taken up quite a bit of my time, but I really enjoy it.  Last week, when I had flu day, she seemed so sad that I was going to have to take a shot every week for the rest of my life that made me have the flu for a day.

I didn't point out that this was a best case scenario.  If it stops working, it means the disease has progressed and that's worse.  But I didn't want to scare her away.  Not yet, anyway.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

broken computer, new girlfriend and jealousy?

First, my computer is acting up.  The mouse does not click correctly.  When you push it, it stays registered that it's clicked until you click it like 6 more times.  Except, it's not exactly 6, its just random.  So doing ANYTHING is super annoying because the mouse keeps selecting all and what not.

Onto the good news.  I had this mother of a former camper and staff member set up with this woman she knew.  I had very low hopes for this.

We went on a date Saturday and really hit it off.  I figured it was going to be awkward and horrible, and while I guess it started a little that way, it was brilliant.  I really enjoyed her and her company and her conversation.  It was good.

I ended up telling her I had MS.  I sort of had to.  She was talking about hanging together Sunday, but Sunday is my flu day.  If I just said, "no, I'll have the flu" that would sound like the lamest excuse ever.  So, I told her.  She didn't say much, but we still made plans for Monday.  That was a good sign.

On Monday, she brought up MS.  She said she didn't know much about it, and wanted to know the prognosis for me.  That's kind of scary...when someone you potentially like asks something like that.  I was honest, but probably more hopeful about life then I sometimes feel.  She was okay with it.

What I didn't mention, and probably should, I keep my house pretty cold.  I mean, I've always had it colder than normal, but now especially cold.  I just feel sick when its warmer than 62.  So, one thing leads to another and I end up sleeping with her, which was lovely, but she also commented she was chilly.  I felt bad, and next time she comes over, I'll have to remember to turn the heat up, literally.  But, if its too warm, I reckon I'd be too hot to do anything.

Besides that, I'm happy.  It's weird, and I'm totally not the sort of girl to fall like this.  It's very weird.  But, I'm happy.  The smiling all the time kind of happy.

Friday, February 1, 2013

365 posts

32. What do we all have in common besides our genes that makes us human?
I think emotions.  We all feel happy, sad, confused, scared, overwhelmed, elated and defeated.  Everyone feels the whole range.  Some might feel more of one than another, but we all feel everything.  No matter how hard we try to not show some of them.

33. If you could choose one book as a mandatory read for all high school students, which book would you choose?
To Kill a Mockingbird.  It's by far my favorite book, and the movie is pretty good too.  In every stage of my life that I have read it, I have found some new meaning and hope for the world.  It's not horrible to read, like Shakespear, for example, but straight forward and shares a basic message that everyone should be exposed to.

34. Would you rather have less work or more work you actually enjoy doing?
Well, I enjoy my work, and I guess it's quite a bit of work, although not over the top.  But I think with MS, I couldn't handle more work.  So, to answer this, I guess I would have to say less work, but I also wouldn't like less work that I did not enjoy.  I'm content with my career right now, I think.

35. What is important enough to go to war over?
Gosh, I wish there would never be war.  I'd say religion has been a big cause of war for as long as there has been war.  I think that's ridiculous and different religions should work on respecting each other, rather than fighting over who is right.

I think oppression of humans is a noble reason to go to war, but who is to say what is oppressing.  The most articulate leaders are the ones who convince large groups of people they are right.  Looking back, there is no doubt that Hitler was the ultimate oppressor, yet so many people followed him and fought to keep his way going.

36. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
I think, obviously, its never trying.  But I am still more apt to not try something that is probable I will fail.  I don't know if that is human nature, or just Heidi nature, but it's true.

37. When was the last time you listened to the sound of your own breathing?
Actually, fairly recently, in Tai Chi.  I was keenly aware of that fact that I was breathing whistle-ly.  I'm getting that mid winter stuffed up feeling and in Tai Chi I noticed it.  

38. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
That's a difficult one actually.  I think sleep.  I'm so particular about my sleeping position and routine, yet so random.  I remember as a child, sharing a bed with my grandmother, and being amazed that she slept on her back, all right with never moving.  I can't do that.  I turn a lot, but always have to end up in one specific position on either side.

39. What does ‘The American Dream’ mean to you?
I think it means very little to me.  I think it applies more to first and second generation Americans.  It's not something I have ever thought about in a personal sense.  I think though, it means the ability to try anything.  You can be what you want and believe what you want.  Of course, money is always helpful.

40. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I thin genius.  I feel like I used to be very intelligent and sharp, and since the onset of MS. I feel slow and dumb a lot of the time.  Although, I wouldn't like to be worried all the time, I would like my logical thinking back.

41. If you could instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would you give?
You are loved.  Always, by someone.  When you have those moments that everyone has, know that deep down, you are a valuable person and worth a lot to everyone.

42. What is the most desirable trait another person can possess?

43. What are you most grateful for?
That I live in a country, world, time period that I can get medical care, mental health care and educational opportunities as I need.

44. Is stealing to feed a starving child wrong?
Wasn't there a musical that really came down to this thought?  Stealing is not right, but neither are starving children, or people, for that matter.  I think there should be systems in place to make sure no child starves and then no one would have to steal to feed them.