I've not updated in quite some time. That's partially because I'm pretty good and things are stable and partly cause I feel so miserable I don't even want to write it.
So, I've been seeing this therapist now for a few months. I really like her. She's easy to talk and I find her input on things very helpful. She's not all "how do you feel about that?" but actually chimes in with her own stories and experiences. I enjoy talking to her.
The problem is, I don't actually talk to her about the real problems. I talk about work and problems there and that sort of thing, but really, its pretty basic stuff that I can handle.
The real problems - they are much harder to just bring up. And if I don't bring them up, we dont' talk about them. Last week, I had decided that I really wanted to start to bring up the real stuff going on. I knew it was going to be impossible to bring up. So, I thought about writing it down, in a letter to her.
That's was a great idea until I pictured actually giving her the letter. That's when I decided not to write the letter and just be ballsy enough to bring it up. I didn't.
Now, its high on my mind again, and I've got to find a way to bring it up.