I've still been going to therapy. In many ways, its useful, just in the day to day, week to week stuff. There's nothing she can say or do to make the bad feelings of MS go away, but I can think of it differently.
Last week, we were talking about my life and what interests me. I said my job was everything. It is. It's pretty much all I am, and all I identify with. I feel life would be over if I didn't have it.
She started to brainstorm others things to do, that I could be engaged with. She wanted ideas of other things to add to my life that would keep me excited - about living - I suppose. I started to think of some things I have enjoyed previously, but nothing really made me excited.
Then I thought of square dancing. I loved it when I did it. I was probably 40 years younger than everyone else, but I had so much fun! I said it.
I think, at first, she was trying to figure out if I was serious. Then, when she concluded I was, I could almost see her thinking, "I will not judge my client, I will not just my client, I will not judge my client."
During the whole process, I was thinking she didn't get. She didn't get the problem in the first place. Coming up with this list was easier than trying to explain myself. Except, when I got home, I thought about it. I thought a lot about it. The thought of doing something else in life made me excited.
I started to look up square dancing. I found a club near me - for singles even. I didn't have to have a partner to join. I wrote to them. I'm going to start square dance lessons in October. I'm looking forward to it!