· I liked the MS Walk in Worcester better. There was better energy – I reckon a lot of that was because it was out in public.
· There was hardly any volunteers there….that made it kind of sad.
· I had lots of really nice people come out for the walk. That made me feel loved.
· I didn’t get ridiculous and upset this year – which was very good. Good mental health space anyway.
· MS Walk after coming off IV steroids kind of sucks. It’s a Nyquil kind of night.
I’ve also had some observations through a variety of sources.
The general consensus from people I know in real life:
· I handle MS very well. My positive attitude is going to get me through it .
· The doctors and nurses at the hospital said this to me multiple times.
· The friends of friends who did my walk today said this.
· My coworkers have said this.
· My landlady said this.
· People who know me well, or not so well as the case may be, are worried that I handle it well on the outside, but inside I’m a wreck.
Therein lies the truth. Someone said this to my best friend – who knows me, albeit not that well. When my friend and I were talking about it, I agreed. So did my friend. It’s the whole crux of it. I feel fake. Not just sometimes, but all the time. I don’t want to be fake. But I don’t want to be miserable on the outside as well. I want to be good on the inside. That’s the key difference.
It bothers me that not everyone just sees the me I want them to see. But it makes me feel like there’s hope and I’m not so alone as well.