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Saturday, May 5, 2012

MS Walk 2012

·         I liked the MS Walk in Worcester better.  There was better energy – I reckon a lot of that was because it was out in public. 

·         There was hardly any volunteers there….that made it kind of sad.

·         I had lots of really nice people come out for the walk.  That made me feel loved.

·         I didn’t get ridiculous and upset this year – which was very good.  Good mental health space anyway.

·         MS Walk after coming off IV steroids kind of sucks.  It’s a Nyquil kind of night.

I’ve also had some observations through a variety of sources.

The general consensus from people I know in real life:

·         I handle MS very well.  My positive attitude is going to get me through it .

·         The doctors and nurses at the hospital said this to me multiple times.

·         The friends of friends who did my walk today said this.

·         My coworkers have said this.

·         My landlady said this.

·         People who know me well, or not so well as the case may be, are worried that I handle it well on the outside, but inside I’m a wreck.

Therein lies the truth.  Someone said this to my best friend – who knows me, albeit not that well.  When my friend and I were talking about it, I agreed.  So did my friend.  It’s the whole crux of it.  I feel fake.  Not just sometimes, but all the time.  I don’t want to be fake.  But I don’t want to be miserable on the outside as well.  I want to be good on the inside.  That’s the key difference.

It bothers me that not everyone just sees the me I want them to see.  But it makes me feel like there’s hope and I’m not so alone as well.

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