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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Striving for...

What do you strive for most in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement, knowledge, or something else?

Something else - at least for now.  I am striving to like myself.  I hate to admit it, but I think I just have horrible self esteem right now.  In the end, that is what it all boils down to.

At work, I don't do as well as I could, because I'm afraid to fail.  It's kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy. 

With MS, I feel like I am less of a person now.

With friends, I don't want to tell them anything about what I really feel, because I am afraid of how they will really see me.

With relationships, I feel like they are destined to fail since I am so miserable.  I don't even want to think about one, since I know I'll ruin it.

In therapy, I'm scared about what she'll think of me.  So I avoid all the things that make it known how much I really hate me.

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